You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
