When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
