i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Randomize
