I'm lost and stupid without you.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
