my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
there was a trapeze. enough said
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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