I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
