I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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