His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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