32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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