I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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