I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
