i just google imaged poop.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
