we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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