You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
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he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back