Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
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I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.