The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants