Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.