What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I touched a dick in church today