I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.