She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
