by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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