it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
