just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
