Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
