i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
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Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
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He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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