you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
