Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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