if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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