everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My balls are so social today.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
