they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
