Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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