it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
