Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
