I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I got her a Nickelback box set.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
