Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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