I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Randomize
