i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
