Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize