Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
