Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
