Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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