I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
