I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
