By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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