what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
