Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
