I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
