Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize