Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
