it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
