Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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