I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
As shirtless as possible
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
