I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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