We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
