I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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