I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
