nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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