Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
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No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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