I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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