My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
