You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
