just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Of course I have a pirate flag
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
