I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
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Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
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I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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