i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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