so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
