This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
the liver wants what the liver wants
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
