So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
