eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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