So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
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She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
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and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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