My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
