I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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