My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
