Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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