Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
