Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
