he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
