Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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