Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
