His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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