So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
